I’m a wine lover.
In my world there is no better way to wrap up a nice evening than to pour a glass of wine, step outside on the deck and sip away as I look up at the stars.
This is exactly what I was doing a few nights ago as I enjoyed the warm spring night here in the mountains of Virginia. However, with the porch light on, nature – in the form of flying insects, were flocking to the walkway on my deck in droves. Overwhelmed at an alarming rate, and having no desire to end up with bugs in my wine – I grab the insect spray, pointed it at the porch light and sprayed away.
Content with my thorough dousing of the insects I dash back a few steps to avoid getting hit by the over-spray. When I turn around to see the results, I’m met with the most startling sight.
A snake.
A large snake.
A large, long pissed off snake about 3 feet from my face… ho shit!!
The following takes place:
Me: *blinks in stunned silence at the sight before me but remains quiet and motionless*
Snake: *Hisses at me in an agitated manner as it starts to unfurl from the porch light*
Me: *Calls husband’s name as I continue to watch my scaly visitor move*
Husband: “Yes, Baby?”
Snake: *hiss hiss*
Me: Thinking – *I’m so sorry Mister Snake. If I had know you were there I would have never sprayed you like that – in fact I would have kept me and my wine sipping in the house… my apologies* – Calls Husband’s name 3 times in a row* (It’s all I can manage to do)
Husband: *Comes to the door* “What’s wrong?”
Me: “There’s a snake on the porch light and it’s slowly moving toward me.”
Husband: O.o *looks over at light through the screen door* “F*ck!!”
Me: “Yeah, kinda my thought too. Could you slowly open the screen door so it’s between me and our uninvited guest? I’d really appreciate not being out here any longer.”
Husband: *opens door – So I can slide inside*
Okay, so now I’m inside the house and safe but there is still a decent sized snake on the porch light (it’s well over three feet long). It’s almost midnight and I have no desire to let him slither off to hide somewhere else outside on the deck or patio. My husband (The Satyr) is not a “Man versus Wild” kind of guy but he arms up with a broom, puts his sneakers on and grabs a flash light. He’s about as ready as he can get at the hour on short notice.
Luckily for all of us, the adult children were home and had just settled into bed so I go knock.
Me: *knock knock knock*
My daughter The Sprite: “Yes?”
Me: I hate to disturb you guys at this hour but I need your help getting this snake off the porch light.
The Sprite: “Mommy, that doesn’t make any sense??!”
Her Fiance: “I think it does, Honey. I’m pretty sure your mom said there is a snake on the deck light and I need to go help take care of it.”
The Sprite: “Why is there a snake!!??”
Me: Thinking – *that’s a valid question that I have no answer for. I’m just as shocked as you are*
We all are up and about now. My son, The Imp, takes one look at the situation, calls the snake a nope rope and a danger noodle and immediately decides wants nothing to do with the fiasco before taking up residence on the couch. The rest of us go outside in our Pjs armed with – 2 flashlights, the kitchen broom, a plastic pole, some work gloves, a knife and a push broom…. yes this has us all looking as ridiculous as it sounds.
About fifteen minutes later we had the snake taken care of and all is well but I’d have to say that was the last thing I expected from deciding to step outside with my Chardonnay.
Have you guys had any interesting run ins with nature? Please feel free to share.
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