Captain’s Log: Quarantine Day 483

Captain’s Log: Quarantine Day 483

Well, the year is 2020 AD and the earth has had enough of our shit, so she has resorted to viral warfare in the form of COVID-19. Honestly, it should be a warning to us that if we don’t stop crapping up the planet, she will eventually shake us off like a bad case of fleas. With that being said, I have been quarantined inside my house since February, and I’m pretty sure it’s been, in the words of Usher, fiftyeleven days, umpteen hours since I’ve seen anyone other than the one human I live with and my dog. I’m immunocompromised and really not looking to have a flu virus take me out after surviving two strokes, kidney failure, and a heart attack. That just wouldn’t seem fair. 

So, to stay as safe as possible, I have been having my groceries delivered and my boyfriend has been braving the outdoors to bring home toilet paper (when available) and supplies. Grocery delivery has been a pretty interesting service during this time of panic-buying and hoarding. One poor guy, Justin, from Instacart, did it last time and had to basically replace everything on the list. He tried so hard, though. He sent me pictures (see slideshow) of the bread and meat aisles in Kroger with nothing in them. He couldn’t get all 10 of my yogurt flavors, but he found six random ones including a single blackberry yogurt which was hidden at the back of the shelf. 

Grocery shopping in this manner makes cooking interesting. You might get cream of mushroom soup, but just maybe not in your preferred brand, OR you might get cream of celery, and you just roll with it. You might have planned on having barbecued ribs for dinner, but you ended up with boneless pork chops, so now you’re having pork chops instead, and cream of celery soup for dessert and that’s just life with the Rona.

The deliveries are what I enjoy. Honestly, it’s the only time I get to interact with other people (besides Richy, who is great, but not new and he works most of the day). I have stood at my front door, talking, six feet away, to random delivery strangers for a good seven or eight minutes, just to have a new interaction. I have refrained from actually bribing these strangers not to leave my porch, but I’m not ruling it out as an option in the future. 

I’ve seen my daughter, who brought me black market toilet paper, and my son and his girlfriend once since all this started (and I couldn’t hug them which broke my little mommy heart). I’ve got a friend who comes by to check up on me occasionally, and I’ve got Richy. That’s my entire group of interaction during Rona-2020. As a slight introvert, you’d think this would make me a pretty happy house goblin, but it turns out, I’m more inclined to be social than I thought. Either that, or I have a problem with authority and want to only go outside when I’m told I am not allowed to. Either way, I miss people… but I’ll tell you this, if I had to get stranded in a house with only one person and one dog, I’m glad I have the ones that are here. 

Fun Find – LitterBox Comics!

I’m so sorry I’ve been so quiet over here for so long. I’ll be getting back into the swing of things very soon! I’d like to thank all of you for your patience! Since I’m still in the process of writing and editing things, I thought I’d share this funny find with you in the mean time. If you need a laugh – do not hesitate to head over to https://litterboxcomics.com/ to get your fix of hilarity!

My Husband @mawadu78 actually had
a very similar incident many years ago with @thevirginiaimp

Nothing Like having Kids LOL

I’m behind on posting because life has been a busy busy thing, so I thought I’d drop something to make you all laugh today. Hang in there everyone, the weekend is approaching…. YOU CAN DO IT!!! * hugs*

We all know or remember this feeling… ease the baby down slowly then back away as quietly as you can all while praying the door won’t creak as you shut it lol
Trying your best to clean with a toddler in the house is an accident waiting to happen. We’ve all been “rear-ended” like this before… (same applies if you have a cat or dog too)
This on needs no explanation heh heh heh
My parents were kings of this one… I’m not bad at it myself. Teenagers will test you in ways you never thought possible. *WooSaaaa* (@mawadu78 me and @thevirginiaimp lol)
I once found one under the drivers seat of my car in the middle of July with my first child – like an idiot, I opened it. Never… NEVER again did I make that mistake. Directly in the trash is the only place for long lost anything with dairy in it.
No matter how the internet uses this cat I find myself relating LOL

Hope I was able to get you giggling. Have a great Thursday and thank you for stopping by my little corner of the web! The memes used in this post were found HERE on Buzzfeed!

The Imp of the Reverse

Every now and again life comes at us all pretty fast. Luckily for us it brings a good measure of humor along with it.

For example, my husband and my son last week. My son (The Imp) is 16, and like most 16 year-olds, he is ten foot tall and bulletproof. Thanks to a TV show (The Golden Girls) and a short conversation, it comes to our son’s awareness that we have an attic…. an attic he has never been in and the following unfolds –

Son: Can we get into our attic?

Husband: Yes, we can.

Son: How?

Husband: Move the access panel, grab the ladder and climb in.

Son: I want to go in the attic and look around!

Husband: It’s kind of late.

Me: Why don’t you wait until this weekend. That way your dad can bring in the ladder and help you into the attic.

Son: I bet I can do it with a chair!

Me and Husband: *exchange look*

Me: Why don’t we just wait.

Son: Nah, I have enough upper body strength. I can pull myself into that opening… no problem.

Me and Husband: *exchange look number two*

Son: *scurries down the hall wearing a big grin while carrying a dining room chair*

*clink* *rustle rustle* *bump* *grunt* groan*

~~~ Silence ~~~

THUNK WHAM SCRAAAAAPPPPEE

Husband: *is already getting up from the couch*

Son: DAAAAAAAAD!!!

Husband reports the sight of two legs and feet hanging out of the opening in the ceiling, a tipped over step stool that was apparently put on top of the chair for added lift, a wooden shield (we are still uncertain as to its role in this whole fiasco) and the coat rack that has been ripped out of the wall and is lying in a heap on the floor amongst the crumpled jackets… backing out of the attic had not gone as smoothly as getting in it would seem.

The Imp was fine (a little scuffed up but in high spirits). Instead of waiting and going into the attic over the weekend as we suggested, he spent that time learning how to patch drywall.

Never a dull moment. lol

Any of you have some fun child rearing stories to share?

The Satyr (My Husband) by JeCorey Holder Artist Extraordinaire

Because Florida… LOL

When I need a good laugh I generally look up news headlines from Florida. Why you might ask, because Florida never disappoints! Especially “Florida Man” but I have noticed that “Florida Woman” is gaining recognition and speed! Here are a few of my most recent favorites.

Here are a few where Florida Woman refuses to be outdone by Florida Man. Once again proving anything men can do women can do better lol

Then last but most certainly not least…

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*This post may contain affiliate links

The Nymph Needs New Glasses or The Lackadaisical Bug

One day I was at my desk doing my work thing, looking over documents and reports before I printed them. As I perused the text in front of me I see a random comma, so I move the cursor and delete it. I keep going and what do ya know…another random comma…then another…at that point I was thinking, WOW I must be really off my game today.

I could not have been more wrong

As I finished up I saw what looked like  a random comma…outside the margins

O.o wtf right?

No, it was not a comma at all, just a teeny tiny slow moving bug without anything better to do than travel up and around my monitor at its own leisurely pace…what a day and only me *sighs*

The attached picture has no bearing on this case… it is for you viewing pleasure only.

A Few of My Favorite Things…

Hello there, all. I hope the holidays as well as 2019 has treated you well. Things were decently calm and full of much love over here so I have no complaints. We had a low key meal which focused on favorites and we only lost the dog under the excess wrapping paper for about an hour or so. He had no idea what to make of all the fuss but he took it in stride.

People often say “it’s the little things in life” and I know that sounds cliché, humdrum and even eye-roll worthy at times but by and large I find that saying to be true. Out of the gifts I received it was a coffee mug and T-shirt that ended up being my favorites (pictured below).

The coffee mug is a simple black cup with white text on it that says “there’s a chance this is vodka,” lol. If you knew me personally you’d know that truer words have probably not been spoken because during the course of a week there is a very good chance that vodka mixed with something will indeed make its way inside my coffee cup at some point in time… that, or wine. * heh heh *

The other gift (a custom made T-shirt) has a bit more story behind it. I had returned home one rainy late fall day in a mood most foul. Upon exiting the vehicle, stomping up the driveway and plodding up to the gate that goes across our walkway I took my foot and kicked it open. While this sounds simple enough, it wasn’t, my righteous mood and previous training in martial arts swirled together causing me to put enough oomph behind that well executed kick to not only open the gate but to splinter it off its hinges (not my most shining moment) I didn’t even realize I had damaged it to that point until someone else came in behind me and was like, “What on earth happened to the poor gate?” *cue me looking quite sheepish*. When I slowly raised my little hand and ducked my blushing face my daughters boyfriend looks at me, breaks into open laughter and says, “Daaayaaamn Tae Kwon Jodi!” … hence the shirt. We all got a big kick out of it (full pun intended) when I unwrapped it Christmas morning.

We still get a good fit of giggles out of it even now despite the fact that the gate is now fixed thanks to my husbands ingenuity, a few screws and some gorilla glue, but yeah… from now on I think I’ll keep both feet on the ground but I’ll continue to wear my shirt with a smirk on my face and laughter in my heart.


Halloween Hijinks

 

It was a rare occasion but this Halloween the Sprite and I stayed in. No costumes, no booze nothing but the two of us and a couple of B rated scary movies. Life was swimming along at a lazy pace as per usual when a thought hit me and then the following conversation takes place between me and the Sprite: 


Me: Man we didn’t think to get candy in case we get trick or treaters

Sprite: Nah, no need to worry, no one trick or treats on this street

*Thirty seconds later I shit you not* DING DONG

Sprite: *looks at me with wide eyes* Is our porch light on?

Me: Yup, it’s always on.

Sprite: *flips light off on the poor kid standing on our doorstep*

Me: You did not just do that *giggles in disbelief* You know that’s like the Halloween equivalent to getting a door slammed in your face, right? lol



#HangingWithTheSprite #AnotherDayInTheLife #WeAreSoGoingToHell #ItShouldntBeFunnyButItWas #AdventuresAtZanarkand

Alexa Fancies Herself a Comedian It Seems…

So this just happened:


Sprite: Alexa, tell me a joke. 

Alexa: Why did Adele cross the road?


… so she could say hello from the other side.


This made still being sick with barely a voice, a snotty nose and achy ears much more bearable. Sleep well all, my meds are calling.