The Man Card

Today’s topic is a direct result of my experience with men and their reluctance to seek medical care under any circumstances. 

Last night my darling Richy nearly impaled himself. I’m talking, he was actually afraid to move because he didn’t know how he would get himself off of the branch that was jutting up from the ground. He accomplished this near-impalement by jumping off of a ledge onto a crumbling brick wall that was already leaning about 30 degrees. (Get ready to make a surprised face…) because funny enough, the crumbling wall fell out from under him when he landed, and sent him sprawling with all that momentum behind it. He landed on his back on top of where a large bush had been sawed down, but still had about twelve inches of very sharp branches sticking up. His spine landed on the biggest limb and then his side landed on a shorter limb. That’s where he thought he’d been impaled. 

This is an actual picture of what Richy fell on! Yikes right!??

Richy lay there for what seemed like five minutes, though I’m sure it couldn’t have been that long. Finally, he dared to move and realized that even though the sawed off branch had cut him and hurt him, it had not actually stuck itself inside of him and he was able to get up. Unsurprisingly – He packed up and called it a day, and came home.

This morning, the man could barely sit up. It took him a good seven or eight minutes to actually maneuver himself out of bed. I saw him grimace and heard him groan. I saw his eyes water with the pain; and this is a man who was shot in Bosnia, he has a purple heart. He fell down a flight of stairs, broke his kneecap and helped a friend move the next day. Hell, he was bitten by a rattlesnake. This is not a weenie of a man, and his back was hurting him to the point that he couldn’t put his own sweater on. 

I pleaded with him to take the day off today and go to an urgent care or doctor, so obviously he listened to me and did exactly that. Haahaa! I love a good joke as well as anyone. No, what he did was give me a face that clearly stated that I regularly drool on myself and he went to work. 

Why?

Is there some health class guys take in high school where they tell them if they seek medical attention, their genitals will fall off? Is there a Man Card they have to turn in at any emergency room they dare to enter? Maybe men just assume if anything medical has to happen to them they are going to end up with a surprise prostate exam, I don’t know. 

Man: “Doc, I broke my arm and there is a bone sticking out from my elbow.”

Doctor: “Well, drop your pants, we need to make sure your prostate wasn’t affected.”

I think this is what they must believe, otherwise, what reason do they have to avoid an exam and possibly legal drugs?

I’ll tell you, I don’t know what makes them run screaming in the opposite direction of any medical staff, but they all do it. My dad had a heart attack and ended up with a quadruple bypass. This was a bad heart attack. It took me arguing with him all night to get him to go to the E.R.  An ex of mine dropped the front end of a loaded trailer on top of his foot. It turned purple and black and he couldn’t walk. No doctor. Another time, that same ex nearly died of pneumonia (to the point that his doctors told me to go ahead and call any family who might want to see him) because he wouldn’t go to a doctor during the previous two weeks that I had tried to get him to go. My brother has had two really bad illnesses because he avoided having a doctor anywhere near him until he was thirty-five years old. I have seen men I personally know, duct tape a wound, but refuse to get, you know, sterile stitches. 

Now, I know we don’t all have insurance or the money for medical bills, but come on, there are just some things you should get checked out. Like, landing on a sawed off tree branch, spine first; little things like that.