Captain’s Log: Quarantine day 65187

Captain’s Log: Quarantine day 65187

Today (and yesterday) I have alleviated the boredom of self-isolation by painting. Richy brought an old window frame home and it has two sections to it, which just happen to exactly fit an 8”x24” canvas. I jumped online and ordered several canvases including two to fit in the window frame from Cheap Joe’s Art Stuff and anxiously awaited their arrival. 

Two days ago, they arrived. I stuck the white canvas boards into the window panes and mulled over what to do with it for a day. Finally, a very generic idea came to me. Make the top panel a sky scene and make the bottom panel a field of sunflowers. Not the most original idea, but I love sunflowers; in fact, I love vanGogh’s Sunflowers. So, why not paint the sky and field of flowers in the style of vanGogh? Well, at least as much as I can flatter myself that I can get anywhere near his style, but I digress.

Normally, I would draw out my design with a light pencil, then go over my lines in black and paint from there, but I really wanted to get out of my box, so I decided to use his techniques – like painting with a pallet knife and putting the paint directly from the tube onto the canvas in big smears and streaks. I let myself go and really had a good time bringing this painting to life. I freehanded everything; I swirled colors and didn’t “stay in the lines”. It has taken me two days, but I’m really happy with how this has turned out. It isn’t mounted just yet, but here is a picture of how it will eventually look: 

So, that’s it, and I think I’m going to leave the window frame scratched up and funky. It’s got character, and I like that. Thanks for reading and feel free to share this post or send a critique! PS –  I also take commissions so feel free to ask about my artistic services in the comments or email me at 2humblehootchies@gmail.com  

Captain’s Log: Quarantine Day 978

Captain’s Log: Quarantine Day 978

I have been watching cooking shows for three days now. I’ve been actively dieting for two months. The two activities are NOT compatible. 

It all began when I saw a new cooking show on Netflix called Cooked With Cannabis. I love to cook, and to watch cooking shows, so this was not only right up my alley, it also sounded fun. Well, just so you know, it is a cute show and I learned a few odd bits about using cannabis in cooking and what makes things psychoactive or non-psychoactive, etc… During all of this “baking”, I realized I hadn’t made homemade (in a bread machine, but whatever) bread in a while, so I decided a loaf of bread was exactly what I needed to make. I forgot however, that bread smells absolutely goddamn delicious while it bakes. 

I tried so hard to ignore it. I drank water. I ate a banana. I drank more water. I tried to cure the craving for fresh, hot, bread by eating yogurt, and cheese and even a few chips with hummus. It was all to no avail, my body ached for that warm, soft, perfect loaf. It wanted lashings of melty butter and – oh god, what if I put some gooey honey on top of that? I ate half of the contents of my fridge trying to avoid this carb overload. It turns out I should have just eaten the damn bread. Not only did I end up eating my weight in bread and butter, I ate all of that other food trying to quell my craving. 

As I’m writing this post, I have found myself watching  Iron Chef on Hulu playing in the background. I also had a grocery order delivered about half an hour ago. I am in the position now of:

  1. Being a tad hungry because of my diet.
  2. Craving five-star food because I’m watching Iron Chef.
  3. Having access to a crap-ton of food because I’m now fully supplied thanks to InstaCart.

Jesus take the wheel. Help me. Send reinforcements and a muzzle. I do not need to be left unsupervised around all of this food along with access to limitless cooking shows. I am going to end up coming out of this quarantine looking like a hairless water buffalo (see picture). It is not going to be pretty.

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I must remember to make the rations last. I must remember that I am a chubby little goblin and must continue my weight loss journey. I must remember how nice it feels to have lost twelve pounds. I must continue this log entry, but honestly, I think I’m going to go eat. 

Captain’s Log: Quarantine Day 483

Captain’s Log: Quarantine Day 483

Well, the year is 2020 AD and the earth has had enough of our shit, so she has resorted to viral warfare in the form of COVID-19. Honestly, it should be a warning to us that if we don’t stop crapping up the planet, she will eventually shake us off like a bad case of fleas. With that being said, I have been quarantined inside my house since February, and I’m pretty sure it’s been, in the words of Usher, fiftyeleven days, umpteen hours since I’ve seen anyone other than the one human I live with and my dog. I’m immunocompromised and really not looking to have a flu virus take me out after surviving two strokes, kidney failure, and a heart attack. That just wouldn’t seem fair. 

So, to stay as safe as possible, I have been having my groceries delivered and my boyfriend has been braving the outdoors to bring home toilet paper (when available) and supplies. Grocery delivery has been a pretty interesting service during this time of panic-buying and hoarding. One poor guy, Justin, from Instacart, did it last time and had to basically replace everything on the list. He tried so hard, though. He sent me pictures (see slideshow) of the bread and meat aisles in Kroger with nothing in them. He couldn’t get all 10 of my yogurt flavors, but he found six random ones including a single blackberry yogurt which was hidden at the back of the shelf. 

Grocery shopping in this manner makes cooking interesting. You might get cream of mushroom soup, but just maybe not in your preferred brand, OR you might get cream of celery, and you just roll with it. You might have planned on having barbecued ribs for dinner, but you ended up with boneless pork chops, so now you’re having pork chops instead, and cream of celery soup for dessert and that’s just life with the Rona.

The deliveries are what I enjoy. Honestly, it’s the only time I get to interact with other people (besides Richy, who is great, but not new and he works most of the day). I have stood at my front door, talking, six feet away, to random delivery strangers for a good seven or eight minutes, just to have a new interaction. I have refrained from actually bribing these strangers not to leave my porch, but I’m not ruling it out as an option in the future. 

I’ve seen my daughter, who brought me black market toilet paper, and my son and his girlfriend once since all this started (and I couldn’t hug them which broke my little mommy heart). I’ve got a friend who comes by to check up on me occasionally, and I’ve got Richy. That’s my entire group of interaction during Rona-2020. As a slight introvert, you’d think this would make me a pretty happy house goblin, but it turns out, I’m more inclined to be social than I thought. Either that, or I have a problem with authority and want to only go outside when I’m told I am not allowed to. Either way, I miss people… but I’ll tell you this, if I had to get stranded in a house with only one person and one dog, I’m glad I have the ones that are here.